Last Post

I really enjoyed the "This I Believe" essay we did. It made me think on what i actually believed in. What matters to me in the world. I wasn't a big fan of the free writing. I felt like most of it didn't help me further my writing skills and make me think long and hard. I would say my writing has improved since the beginning of the semester. It has become longer, and it just makes more sense to me. My thinking skills have improved in my writing over the past couple of months. My language has improved too. I wouldn't change anything about my writing this semester, because if I started off great, then I wouldn't have improved as much as I did. I liked the group discussions the best in this course. I didn't like the free writes again, and I think that might be because its so early in the morning, and hard to think. Again, I wouldn't change anything about this semester, because I wouldn't have improved on my writing as much as I did. I learned that i can write about whatever I want, and whatever makes me happy. I can write my ideas down, and it helps with the stress and anxiety of my problems. I would probably give myself an A in this course. I have done everything asked of me, and participated in the class. Even in the group work.

Creeper time

Coffee shops are a must, when studying for midterms during college. I see a young girl doing her studies with a coffee in hand. It seems like these days coffee’s just uniform on people in college. It might be a given that she’s exhausted. She seems tall, but the way she slouches over her computer makes her look a bit on the short side. She’s skinny, with a skinny ponytail. Very quiet and minding her own business. Unlike me, who watches complete strangers. Her glasses fall right above the frown on her face that shouldn’t be there. Her tattoos pop out against her white skin. Very colorful and vibrant. With the reds bursting out of her skin, and the greens looking like it came fresh from a meadow.

She put some headphones on, while looking at her computer. Her frown she was wearing vanished when I heard her talking to the computer. I figured it was skype. Couldn’t help but overhear the conversation on her end. Talking about how much she misses that person, and how she wishes she was there. I couldn’t blame her, I would rather be there than at a coffee shop where strangers ease drop on your conversations.  My heart melted when I heard her say, “Mommy loves you”. When she said her goodbyes, she closed the computer screen and smiled. Then I knew, she wasn’t lonely. She had all the love in the world.

Its out there

It’s hard to pick just one thing I believe in, because I believe in a lot. I believe in doing things that you might have never done before. Trying new things and going to new places. Experiencing things that you would of never thought you would. I think it is healthy to learn new things. If you get caught up in the same old routine every day you aren’t learning anything. You are stuck. I find myself making the most memories when I try new things. Especially when they are spur of the moment kind of things. Not planning it out all the way, and being spontaneous. I think through adventure, you find out what you are capable of. F. Scott Fitzgerald said something that I think it completely true. “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” I believe in adventure.

 It’s never too late to be who you want to be. To do things that will shape who you are and question things you have never questioned before. To grow while you stretch your horizons. There is a certain excitement to do new things. Learning things outside of school and work. Getting out of your routine and finding out things you never knew you would enjoy doing.

Even the smallest of adventures can help shape who you are. I find myself doing the most memorable adventures when I am scared of it. Like heights. I am scared out of my mind when it comes to heights. For example, thirty foot cliffs over the water. I will never forget jumping off of it though. It changed me a little bit. I would have never thought I was capable to do that.  Doing adventures should be a little scary though. If it isn't, then you need to aim higher.

They are not always fun or good adventures. Some can be bad and scary. Some can be bad in the beginning, but turn out good in the end. I have been through quite a few adventures that have not been good. Have been hurtful and sad. Going through those however, have helped me grow as a person and managed things in a new way.

How boring life would be without adventure. Not getting a hands-on experience. There would be no excitement or thrills that you would have. That’s scary, isn't it? We all want to look back on ourselves years down the road and say, “Wow, I have come a long way from where I was before”. If we don’t say that, and we are exactly the same, then that’s a little scary to me.  Adventure is out there.

                

I am afraid

I am very afraid of heights. I went cliff jumping once and I was thirty feet up in the air, and it was not a fun experience. Of course it was thirty feet up above water, but the height was incredibly distracting from the fun I was supposed to have. I was with my brother then and he was wanting me to do it because he was doing it. I didn't want to seem like a loser so I went ahead and jumped. It was the longest jump in my life by far and I still to this day can’t believe that I did it. That was one of the best memories I have with my brother. He is in the navy now and doing great things. He is such a blessing to my life and all around great! He makes me laugh every time he comes home. Somehow he always hurts me though. He likes to pick and slap and once he threw me across the room because I tickled him and my foot hit something hard on the couch, and it was a really deep cut. So deep that I still have a scar on my right foot because of him. Moral of the story: don’t tickle my brother. Because he will hurt you. He always uses the story of me hitting him with a remote when we were both younger. I guess I picked up a remote to something and went up to him and wacked him right on the head. I don’t remember that but I guess he does. So he says he is getting back at me for those couple of times that I have hurt him. Which is like only twice in our entire lives. He is three years older than me and much stronger than me so how could I actually hurt him? He flicked a rubber band in my eye before too. He flicked it right in my eye and I thought I was going to be blind. It was the funniest thing ever. He thought it was really funny then, but I didn't. That’s not the only brother that likes to torture me though. I have three more brothers that take pleasure in hurting me and picking on me. One of my younger ones poured a full cup of water on me while I was sleeping. It was not the most enjoyable morning for me and him. Especially him. Another one likes to scare me for no reason at all. I can’t get away from this torture. I only have one sister and she is moved out of the house, so I am basically outnumbered by a lot. 

What do I believe in?

I believe laughter is the best medicine. When I am really down on myself, it would take a miracle to get me to laugh. When I am hurt or upset I like to be by myself and isolate myself from the rest of the world. Which isn’t the best thing to do because you could get even sadder about the situation. However, if someone can make me laugh during those times of trouble, I forget what was wrong for a second and laugh about what was said or done. When I was in my car wreck I was really down on myself because my face was ripped apart. So I isolated myself from my family and friends for a good week or two. My sister came in my room one of those days and started talking to me and treating me like myself. Not the injured person that I was. Which was a good thing. She watched movies with me and when I made fun of her or something she would act like she was going to hit me, then I would say that my face hurt while acting so pathetic and was joking around with her. Then she decided to push me off of my own bed. That was the first time I laughed in weeks, and I forgot about the horrible thing that happened, and remembered that I would be the same eventually. The emotional healing was happening a little slower than the physical. It was the best thing that could of happened though. I forgot all of the pain and suffering for a little while the laughter was flowing out of me. No pill or medicine could of made me happy again. Just the joy of having someone treat me like my usual self and laughing about it

Out of my way

Whats in the way? The absolute first thing in the morning that gets in my way is my alarm clock. It gets in the way of me sleeping and getting well rested. Then my blanket gets in my way of getting up because I am so warm and cozy in my bed. I hate waking up early. Alarm clocks that wake me up in the morning makes me mad at times. Its ridiculous because it has to wake me up, but every time it does, no matter what song is playing, it wakes me up feeling mad. I shut it off as quickly as I can and usually go back to sleep. Time gets in my way. I feel like there is not enough time in the day to do all the things I need to do. Especially Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. I usually work on Thursdays and Tuesdays so that is nice I don’t have to go right from school to work and then to whatever I need to do after that. Starting college is stressful. The environment is so different and its going to take some getting used to. With school, homework, work, church, and making time with my friends and boyfriend is a lot harder than I thought. I find myself so tired at times that I can hardly stay awake during the things that are important to me. I have a lot of new things in my life right now. I have started college, a new job, and have a relatively new relationship, within the past two months. Those are big milestones in a persons life. Its stressing me out because I am trying to find time for all of it but also get rest that I desperately need. Things get in my way all the time, but you have to pick and choose your battles. 

What if...

What If technology wasn't a big thing in today’s society. What if people actually looked and talked to each other instead of having their nose in the latest phone, tablet, etc. It bothers me when I am with someone and all they do is look and play with their phones and don’t interact with anyone around them. I don’t like how technology is shaping us. Whether we see it or not, I think it is. We could be doing the most exciting thing and someone around us would have their phones out. Taking pictures, or snap chatting, or putting stuff on twitter, Facebook, Instagram. We can’t live without our phones and that is a problem. Considering how quick cell phones popped up, it’s kind of scary how they will affect us in the future. Then no one uses pencil and paper anymore. All of the work is done online, using a computer. Now, I think it is definitely easier to use the computers at times, but I don’t think we need to use them constantly. We are so focused on materialistic things around us, that we don’t see what’s in front of our noses. Family and friends want to be able to talk to people but cant if they aren't listening because they are catching up on the newest vines. Its frustrating to me. When I am with a friend, I am taking time out of my day to see them. Not watching them watch their phone. I do like these computers though. They work pretty well and are helpful at times. I just think we need a balance with technology. I like to actually spend quality time with people. I like to watch movies, or go to the park with my little brother, just anything fun that doesn't cost too much money, because I am broke. I'm starting a job at charming charlies though. So that’s exciting. Ill actually have money to go out and have fun.